Good Men Can Make Horrible Choices
by midnightmockingjay
Summary: On the day of Thom's funeral, Alanna wonders how it all ended up like it did, and if there was anything that she could have done to stop it. Takes place the day after the final battle in Lioness Rampant. A small bit of A/G


Alanna bolted upright in her bed. Her heavy breathing echoed off the stone walls of her guest room at the palace. For a moment, she thought that what had happened could just be a part of her nightmare, but as she slowly and fully came back into consciousness, she remembered every detail of the bloody battle that had occurred just yesterday.

_Thom._ The name hit her as if Stefan had thrown multiple bags of horse feed onto her at once, knocking the breath from her lungs and the sense from her head. How could her other half be gone? It was true that they had grown apart during the years in which they were separated, but he was still her twin. How could she live without him?

Today was his funeral. It was to be a very quiet affair; only a few were invited, for Alanna was worried that the many people that had hated her brother would show up only to scorn him or ruin the ceremony.

Just yesterday, after the battle, she had heard a conversation between two conservatives, talking of Thom. "It's all that Trebond boy's fault, for playing with magic that he could hardly understand," one said. "If it weren't for him, Duke Roger would not have risen and no unnecessary life would have been lost. He just couldn't let one challenge go, could he?"

"He's a traitor to the crown," the other responded. "He deserved to die."

This had made Alanna want to beat the two men to death; how dare they talk ill of her brother when they didn't even know him? She was going to challenge both of them to duels when everything was over and done.

A sob burst from Alanna's chest. She gritted her teeth, trying to hold back the hot tears that wanted to fall, but her efforts were in vain. In seconds, she was weeping, burying her face into her pillow. If she cried then, hopefully she would be tearless at his funeral later that day. A soft knock sounded on Alanna's door, breaking her momentarily from her grief. _Not now,_ she thought desperately. _I can't let anyone see me like this._ "Go away," she called, her voice shaking.

The door opened anyway, and revealed a cloaked George Cooper. Concern for her touched his hazel eyes. He silently closed the door behind him before crossing the room and taking his love into his sturdy arms and pressing her into his shoulder.

At first, Alanna wanted to push him away in order to grieve alone. But, after a moment, she relented and allowed George to hold her as she cried. "Everyone hates him," she sobbed, her voice muffled from being buried in George's shoulder. "They loathe him and call him a traitor to the crown when his only fault was him own damn pride. He always had to do something if challenged, even when we were just children, running around Trebond and causing havoc. People say that he was just a hateful boy with an overly-inflated ego, but he was so much more than that. It was hard for him to open up and make friends, George, but he loved me. He loved me and I love him."

George pulled Alanna closer to him. "I know, lass," he attempted to pacify her. "I know. He was a good man. Good men make horrible choices every day."

Alanna nodded as she continued to cry, holding onto George like he was the only thing to keep her from drowning in her ocean of grief.

The funeral was over, and the few who had shown up were gone; Alanna had sent them away in order to be alone with her twin one last time. Only four others besides Alanna had come: George, Coram, Myles, and Eleni had come to pay respect to Thom, even though Alanna and Coram were the only two that had really known him. Jon, Gary, Raoul, and her other friends were unable to make it; Maude would have liked to be there, as well, but she could not make the trip from Trebond in the time frame in which they had to schedule to funeral. Alanna had wanted it as soon as possible, just to get it over with.

It was a closed-casket service. Alanna wished not to see the sickly shell of a man that Thom had become after raising Roger and corrupting his Gift. No, she wanted to remember Thom as he was back when they were young and their worst troubles were being reprimanded for getting covered in mud or slipping a toad into Maude's sewing basket. That Thom still had his innocence and playfulness, and was not the hardened, arrogant man that years of loneliness and becoming a black-robe mage had created.

All throughout the service, Alanna had wondered if not switching places would have kept Thom alive. The thought had only vanished when she realized that if she had gone to the covenant as she was supposed to, Jon would be dead and Roger would be on the throne. If she had to choose between the good of Tortall and her brother's life, it would have to be Tortall.

And at last, she was alone. The sun felt warm on her back; there were no clouds in the expanse of sky in Corus. Alanna felt as if the gods were also rejoicing for Thom's death, and it filled her with bitterness and resentment.

Alanna traced her pointer finger along the oak coffin. The finish was smooth and it was well-made; she hoped it would make it to Trebond unharmed, where it would be buried alongside her father's and other ancestor's.

"I guess this is it, Thom," Alanna said, her voice free of tears. She was proud of herself; she had made it through the entire ceremony without shedding a single one. She gave a little laugh. "I wish everything was still as simple as it was when we were children at Trebond. Sure, father never paid us any attention, but we had each other, and that's all that mattered.

"I really don't know what's going to happen now," she continued. "I can't really see my future without you being in some part of it. Hopefully it won't be too quiet—I still need my adventures, after I take a break for a while—but I don't want anything to this caliber to happen again. But people are going to keep dying, Thom, and I can't stop it. It gives me some peace of mind that I'll be seeing you and all of the others that I love who have and will pass on again one day in the Peaceful Realms…"

She took one last deep breath. "I love you, Thom. I hope you're happy where you are. Goodbye."

As she walked away, a slight breeze tickled her skin. It was warm, and the presence of Thom overwhelmed her for a moment before it was gone.

Silent tears stained her cheeks as she smiled at the sky, knowing that he would still be watching over her as long as she needed him. Because that's what twins did.

**A/N: This just popped into my head when I was internally ranting about the lack of fanfiction involving both Alanna and Thom (especially bonding between the twins, when they're older—that's my favorite). I've read all of it that I could find, so I decided to try writing my own. I'm not used to writing in third person (as you can probably tell) and fanfiction isn't really my forte, so please excuse me if any of the characters are OOC. I'm not going to beg for reviews, but please know that they would be appreciated (as would any constructive criticism and any advice on how to improve my writing). Sorry for any spelling mistakes and grammar errors that I didn't catch. Thanks for reading!**


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